I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
