4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.