Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment