i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?