Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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(631): If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me. http://tfl.nu/ugtt

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(847): View more from Illinois

chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.

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(847): chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc. http://tfl.nu/4h93

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(847): View more from Illinois

i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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(847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0

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(952): View more from Minnesota

well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

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(952): well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning. http://tfl.nu/jye2

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

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(814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4

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(703): View more from Virginia

Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened

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(703): Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened http://tfl.nu/8g9n

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(416): View more from Toronto

he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup

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(416): he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup http://tfl.nu/u0xy

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(951): View more from California

We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.

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(951): We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie. http://tfl.nu/3rqj

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(714): View more from California

All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

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(714): All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it. http://tfl.nu/eanx

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(619): View more from California

Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.

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(619): Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out. http://tfl.nu/o96t

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(515): View more from Iowa

She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.

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(515): She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped. http://tfl.nu/qksr

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(916): View more from California

Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.

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(916): Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning. http://tfl.nu/8lph

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?

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(778): I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/gequ

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(423): View more from Tennessee

There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.

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(423): There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears. http://tfl.nu/uyth

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(719): View more from Colorado

I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms

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(719): I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms http://tfl.nu/gmys

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