At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.