guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.