He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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