i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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