It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
