ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
