So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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