True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And then my night got REAL pukey
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have post one night stand depression
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