So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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