Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
