How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.