so that wasnt chicken after all
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
