you're like a bully in the Christmas story
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
