if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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