M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize