i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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