it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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