i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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