It was confusing and full of hummus
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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