My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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