Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
