I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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