i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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