I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
