Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
