i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
