sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
