So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
