I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
