Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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