mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
