Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
