Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
