anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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