Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
