Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
