It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
