Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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