The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
