I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
