haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
