I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
