Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
