And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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