Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
