The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need a beard to bite.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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