is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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