I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
