just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize