just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
