There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please don't give away my fajitas
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
