Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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