IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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