one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
