apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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