I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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