honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize