Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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