And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
