I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
