apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
