i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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