Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
