just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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