I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
