Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
