dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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