Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
