I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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