oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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