just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
