I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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