At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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