I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
